My Status: Available

Yesterday at a meeting, a man shared something with; he told me that I literally saved his life.

A few years ago, someone called me because he needed help getting into sober living. I found him a bed that night. I gave him an opportunity.

And now, years later, he runs that sober living.

After the meeting, I told him something that I think is really important for those of us in recovery need to remember:

I didn't save your life. You did.

All I did was give you an opportunity.

You took it.

You kept showing up.

You kept making choices.

You kept doing the work.

You saved your own life.

We can't save anyone.

And we can't make anyone use.

But we can be available.

What he shared with me was that he believes God is in control. That in the spiritual realm, God, the universe, goodness — whatever you choose to call it — has this greater plan for the greater good.

He said that greater plan needs help from humans.

God uses humans to act on His behalf.

And what he knows to be true about me is that whenever God is looking for someone to help, He knows He can call on Lexi.

Lexi is always available to be of service to other people.

And that made me think about this picture.

It's literally my Microsoft/Google/Zoom-type status:

What's your status?

Available.

Away.

Busy.

Out of office.

Do not disturb.

And I thought…

Maybe God already knows my status.

Available.

If I'm being called into service to help someone else live through the day, Lexi is available.

And honestly, sometimes I question why me.

Why do I have to go through the trauma I've gone through?

Why do people hurt me?

Why do people leave me?

Why does life have to be so damn hard most times?

I've spent my life working with shamanistic healers trying to understand my own gifts of service and spirituality, and they have always said the same thing:

Life doesn't happen to you Lexi. Life happens for you.

And they always say:

Why not you?

If somebody had to have the experiences you've had, would you really wish that on somebody else?

Why not you?

Because maybe you're strong enough.

Brave enough.

Loving enough.

And somehow, after all the pain, all the heartache, all the trudging through all of it…

I still love with my whole heart.

I still give the world my whole self.

And I haven't let any of it break me enough to stop being kind.

Or loyal.

Or compassionate.

Or willing to help somebody else.

Sarah Hornbuckle  said something to me yesterday that I keep thinking about.

She said I'm the AND girl.

And she's right.

Life is hard AND it's beautiful.

People are mean AND people are nice.

People are mean because sometimes people are hurting.

And hurting people need kindness.

They need love.

They need compassion.

They need grace.

And I don't have to choose between acknowledging that life is hard and believing that life is beautiful.

It's both.

I'm the AND girl.

I've been through some really fucking hard things AND I'm still here.

I've been hurt AND I still love.

I've been disappointed AND I still believe in people.

I've been brokenhearted AND I still want to be of service.

I've questioned God AND I still believe God is working.

Life is hard.

AND we're going to dance through it.

Because maybe the point isn't that we never get hurt.

Maybe the point is that we don't let the hurt take away our ability to love.

We don't get to save people.

We do get to be the person who answers the phone when God is looking for somebody to help.

And if that's the job…

If that's the purpose…

If that's the calling…

Then I guess I know my status.

Lexi is available.

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