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The Look In Mom's Eyes - by Michael Hornbuckle

Updated: Feb 18, 2020

For years I grew accustomed to the let down and disappointment in the way people looked at me. My Mom was hardly the exception. It became so familiar that, in some strange way, it was the only reminder I had that I was still alive. After a while no words needed to be said anymore. We were all tired. When we would part ways the sentiment on her face was just perpetually frozen in an expression of, "I'll probably never see Michael alive again" So I avoided her as much as possible because it was too painful. Unmindful to the extent of sleepless nights, helpless moments, time spent in despairing prayer, and durations she questioned her own sanity, I continued until I experienced what I can only attribute to Gods grace. I was bottomed out over and over again for many years and supposed to die a hopeless dope fiend, it seemed. One more chance at recovery I received and I haven't squandered a single day since in forgetfulness of where I was and the effect I had on those closest to me. Everyday I live in gratitude because I know God spared a wretch like me despite all my best efforts to foil His plan. Today I have a fellowship that I love and that loves me. I have a beautiful family. Today my Mom looks at me with pride and joy and loves spending time with her grand kids and is thankful they have a present loving father. She participates and shows up for endeavours I've taken on in sobriety. She went to any lengths for me until I was willing to go any lengths for myself. She's been there through it all and I love her dearly. We have hope today. That topic of Hope has been coming up a lot at the little shindig gatherings I attend. I know if I stay silent and not continue to share the testimony of what God has done in my life, than I'm not living the aforementioned gratitude. I know my story, our stories, offer hope when told and often time we're not entirely aware of the extent the ripple effect truly has. I assure you if someone like me can live free of that stuff anyone can. Have a blessed day.

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